Tag Archive | Addiction

Homosexuality & Gender Issues – an Identity Amnesia

Do you know ‘Gender issue’ is less about sexuality but more of identity?

While ‘Sexuality is who I go to bed with’, ‘Gender is who I go to bed as’…

Homosexuals Brazilian Toni Reis and British David Harrad of Macclesfield city kiss for a picture after their wedding in Curitiba

We all often struggle with some level of identity amnesia at one point or the other in our lives, thinking that ‘who we are is the sum total of all that we’ve experienced’. Nah, your experiences does not define you, it only compliment, inform or guide your person.

Gender is God’s creation and it is given for a purpose, I would suggest ‘procreation’. It is not created by man but given by God, so it is erroneous for anyone to think he can change it or claim any gender he or she wants. The early man and woman believed the lie of the devil that they can change their image or identity to be like God and lost the source and knowledge of their true identity. Breaking identity with God is breaking identity with yourself. God made us and only Him knows us all. To have knowledge of our identity, we ought to consult with Him.

Often now, it is not uncommon to hear someone say ‘gender is what’s between my ears and not what is between my legs’- this is simply against the notion of God giving us gender. He gave us and He use it to identify us as ‘Man’ and ‘Woman’, confirming that gender confusion has nothing to do with biological makeup but more with psychological issues.

A lady struggling with her sexual identity and preference spoke to me recently on her journey to recovery, she said “I realized now that how i saw myself then was a reflection of how far away from God I had moved, now that I am coming closer to Him, getting to know Him amazingly am getting to know myself much more and love this ME, this me is who I should have been, this is who I am- the image of God’.

You are probably where you are now because of your experiences, your feelings and your perspectives, they all do not define you, only God does.

Jesus took the form of our humanity so as to restore the whole of our humanity including our gender. People struggling with homosexual/ transgender issues assumes their identity is tied to their sexuality or gender, but Christ says you are more than your sexuality and  gender and He is giving a new name and identity to as many as would want it.

4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” 5 He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!”… Rev. 21: 4-5

‘Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who is victorious, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give that person a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to the one who receives it’. Rev.2:17

I honor you

Understanding Your Emotions 2

Today, I had come in to work looking forward to a bright day, but alas as I sat at my desk with my laptop, with a wide grin on my face I inserted my USB flash into the drive and…

My flash drive holds all my documents and precious works, both official and personal information are stored in my USB- my books, my projects, my on-going assignments, my Master thesis. I have had this flash drive for more than 5 years now, no virus, no corruption, no damage.

I can remember the last use of my USB was just yesterday, when I needed to show a group of girls an abortion slide, my laptop battery was dead and I had used their school’s laptop to project my flash content. No alarm, no indication, no damage as I retrieved my USB till now when I had put in my USB flash drive to access my Master’s project thesis and phew…my flash is wiped off. Yes, cleaned out! I mean, my USB flash was empty. I could feel the blood rushing to my brains and back to my veins, I could feel my throat tightening as fear gripes me. Where are my documents? When and where did I catch a virus? Have I lost it all?

Immediately it crossed my mind,  ‘I have not backed up recently’ I could feel my emotions welling up, my blood pumping fast and I could feel sweat on my face although the air conditioner was on the highest. Fear, anxiety, panic…I felt it all at once.

Then I told myself to calm down and think, instead of breaking down. Think of what could have happened, think of ways to get some of my documents back, think…instead of allowing my emotions control me. Easier said..hunnn.

Few hours later at home-my sons asked for my phone to play a game, I looked into my bag, my car, my luggage then I realized I have also lost my phone. We searched everywhere, to no avail. This is too much for me in just ONE day…I lost all documents in my USB and also lost my phone. I couldn’t stop the wave of thoughts that started gushing into my mind, …”I just failed, I am too careless, I am infested with ill-luck, the world is against me, this is too much for me, someone corrupted my flash, someone took my phone…” As the self-condemnatory and blaming-others thoughts flooded my mind, the more I lose control of my emotions. I screamed at my kids, I was edgy and touchy , I refused to make dinner and would rather be all alone. My emotions had taken over.

Our thoughts determines our reactions, our reaction births our emotional display per time. So what are you thinking? what are you reacting too? what emotions seems to be beyond you? Trace it, identify it and master it!

I struggled to keep my emotions together as I thought about how much I had lost in one day, until my husband sent me this message… “God’s eye runs to and fro, all over the earth to show Himself strong on behalf of those who put their trust in Him. lets praise Him. Do not be sad, rejoice” As I read through his message, I could feel a surge of energy sipping through my veins, I decided to deliberately focus my thoughts on the good things that had happened in the last few days and to do my dance therapy.Image result for pictures of woman doing dance therapy

Yeah…Dance. Dance is a therapeutic means to control your emotions. Force your body to move in a rhythm and the mind registers it as positive…it also gives you few minutes to clear your thoughts and input more positive thoughts into the situation. Then you are in charge.

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praise worthy- think  about such things. Phil 4:8

I honor you

 

What Do You See?

Do you know that what you see, you have 99% hope of reproducing?

That is, what you look at consistently… you have more chances of becoming. It is often said that perception is reality. What you think, is what you see…

So what are you thinking? what are you perceiving? what do you see?

You see, it doesn’t matter what others are seeing, neither do what they say , think or do. what do you see?

Pushing your thinking boundaries, will be necessary to see clearly and further this new year, or what do you think? Is it even possible to solve yesterdays’ challenges with yesterdays’ thinking? … a challenge may not be resolve-able if one remain at the same thinking level as when the challenge emerged.

Look beyond your spot…the knowledge you had acquired is good , however it is never enough. FOCUS on looking more, searching more, stretching more, thinking more, knowing more, imagining more, SEEING  more. Here in lies, your success.

Are you focused on your present challenges, situation, background or limitations, it will not GO until you shift your gaze. Shift your gaze, adjust your focus and look further, there is more, beyond the NOW.

Do not limit yourself, if you need to change position to see further ,please do not hesitate to do so…AS FAR AS YOUR EYES CAN SEE SO CAN YOU ACHIEVE!

I honor you ….GO AND BE YOU!

WHY FORGIVE?

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong”

Mahatma Gandhi

This last week, looking back I realized I had to help more of my clients work on forgiveness as a means to their own healing, awesome profound realization!

forgive 1

Many just realized for the first time that they were actually hurting more from holding on to their grudges and hurt than letting go. Your pain simply holds you to your past and to break from it and move on in life you need to let go of that pain.

Do you know that holding on to your pain does not hurt the person who offended or hurt you? It doesn’t change his/her outlook to life. It doesn’t stop them from hurting you again if the chance appears.

If I may ask you,

Who carries a sad countenance?

Who finds it difficult to trust people again?

Who doesn’t want to risk having fun to letting down their guard?

Who is hurting?

Who is struggling with fear, anxiety, hatred, anger and depression?

Who is crying? Who is not living life to the fullest?

Who has ulcer? Who is ill?

forgive2

I was around 7years, when I began to experience life as hateful and tormenting. I hated my abusers…I hated my life, twice I thought to end it. Sad, broken, timid and depressed, I thought of suicide…forgetting that life continues even if am gone.

Then in my darkest hour, I saw light-

Someone, took my hand and showed me the strength I needed-FORGIVENESS. I learnt to fight back with the greatest weapon-LOVE. The weapon that won me my battles, gave me my life back and taught me real victory. I am FREE, I found love and I found me.

forgive3

Now I know, the world indeed is a beautiful place… Bitterness, Anger and Hatred are what pollutes our world. They hold us to the past while forgiveness, leads us to the future.

To forgive is to look forward, to release yourself from your pains and give your heart a beautiful gift. It is for you not for your abuser. It is a sign of your strength.

Hence, I challenge you this season as the year 2015 runs quickly to an end, to take a deep breathe and recount your pains and hurt that you had carried over the years and make a decision for yourself, for your future and for your life to FORGIVE.

forgive4

I believe in you, in your passion and your heart.

SHALLOM

Timi

YOUR MANTRA

Chant Mantras Step 01.JPG

Are you happy?

Are you doing what you want to be doing if this is the last day of your life?

What do you want to be remembered for?

What do you want to achieve?

How do you want to achieve it?

Have you programmed your mind/yourself for it?

The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master. You need to continuously learn to rise above your mind. What is coming out of you has nothing to do with things outside of you; it’s basically what is inside of you, your MIND.

You need to master the skill of being YOU…taking charge of your mind.

HOW?

Create your mantra, concentrate on it and declare it!

MANTRA ???

Yes, Mantra…

It has been said, that you can only go as high as you go deep. Mantras are deep… deep repetition of powerful confessions.

a mantra is a form of psychoactive speech having a direct effect on the physical body and a claimed effect on the emotions, the mind, and even on physical processes in nature. The term is derived from the root man (to think), and tra from trai, (to protect or to free from bondage). Thus, a mantra is an instrument of thought. Your thoughts and your words.

How many times do you find yourself contradicting your own visions? How many times do you set goals and couldn’t achieve? How many times has people voices drowned your faith? How many times have you let go because you just do not have the energy to hold on any more?

Mantra comes in handy to destroy series of ridiculous thinking and elevate your energy. It places you on solid ground to step on and wings to fly with. You just ride on high with it.

How do you make your own Mantra?

If you can endeavour to answer these questions in a flow of statements, that’s your mantra.

  • Who am I?
  • What am I grateful for?
  • What are the gifts in me?
  • What are the treasures I possess?
  • What problem am I here to solve?
  • Who will support me?
  • How far will I go?
  • Where is my destination?

Write it down, concentrate on it. Declare it in the morning, afternoon and night time. Have someone read it into your hearings …you are on your way to achieving success.

Success in life is not by accident. You have just one life to achieve it, so go for it.

I love & honor you

FEAR- deal with it!

My World is Crumbling…

A client came in to my office and before I could say ‘Good morning..’ she burst into tears and shaking violently screamed ” I am tired of this life, nothing is working, ..(sobs) I have served God all my life… I have prayed and prayed but God seems not to be interested’… (more sobs) I don’t even know what next… I am so afraid to continue living, my whole world seems to be crumbling one after the other”.

It took her almost the next twenty minutes before she was calm enough to even explain what her challenges are.

Do you seems to understand this woman? You identify with her?

You also might had felt like this woman… when it seems the whole world is crumbling down on you. You had cried and cried to no avail as It seems no one hears your cries…nothing good seems to be coming out of life, even God seems to have gone on a sabbatical leave.

Friends and families are nowhere to be found… the ones that stayed, you can see the helplessness in their eyes as they stare at you.

Fear! Anxiety! Worries! Helplessness! Broken-hearts! Loneliness! Sadness! Brokenness! name it….

Wonder if you had ever felt any of these before? Wonder if your world had ever crumbled? How does it feel?…

Let’s talk about fear first.

Someone once defined FEAR as

F-false

E-evidence

A-appearing

R-real

The simple truth is that; everyone is afraid of something. Everyone goes through a challenging season at one time or the other, what determines how long such challenges last is FEAR.

Fear is your greatest enemy to success or a fulfilling life. Fear is a powerful force. In one way or the other it had been known to keep people from accomplishing what they really want out of life.

Fear of rejection, Fear of failure, Fear of success, Fear of the Unknown, Fear of Dying, Fear of losing, Fear of poverty, fear of….

Everything you desire of life is actually on the other side of your greatest fear. If you do not go for it, to conquer it, it will keep looking like nothing is working for you or God isn’t on your side. No!!

Succeeding in life requires more than wishing or praying, it needs you to move, to act and to confront your fears. Fears antidote is Courage and Action. Coach Keith Johnson in the book, Confidence Makeover states that

Overcoming life’s obstacles and making it to the top in life will require confident ACTIONs. Confidence will move you to action and action will destroy all your fears”.

Image result for pictures of fearYou need to sit down and ask yourself,

What is holding me back from a fulfilling life? What are some of my greatest fears? When and how do they manifest? What counter-action could I take to confront each of these fears?

Always remember you are not your past and courage is not the absence of fear…

I honor you

THE REAL PRISON

What is coming out of you has nothing to do with what is outside of you. It’s what is inside!

images 2 How are you today?

Wait a minute and take your time to answer this question? Really, HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

Excellent? On top? Great? Marvellous? Above all challenges?

or are you …Tired? Confused? Battered? Fearful? Unmotivated? feeling Caged?

However you feel, don’t let it stop you today.

We often miss out of opportunities because of these feelings, concerns, voices in our heads…

There is no delusion nor any need to pretend to your self. You see the truth in everything, beyond the appearances and limitations. Beyond what others says and what others do. Therefore, mastering the skills of being you must be a non-negotiable act, because embedded in YOU is an incredible being that needs to be freed and heard.

The real PRISON is our mind.  Someone asked me recently, ‘what exactly is freedom?’ you see, freedom is actually self -realization and actualization. Be your own enemy and bully yourself into self-actualization.

Wondering HOW?…

First, note that you are not your present condition. The only limitation or disability is when you refuse to “adapt” or “adjust”. If you refuse to adapt then the world would turn you to an object of pity. One of the important things you can master is to LOVE YOURSELF. You cannot afford to feel sorry for yourself, no matter how bad the situation. Pity is a killer! You cannot pity yourself nor allow others to pity you…its going to pull you down into a disempowering state.

Secondly, Do not accept nor believe in predictions that do not empower you. one of the unique strength of humanity is WORD. Many do not know nor can imagine its power. What you hear or say matters a great deal, focus and accept only words, predictions or statements that puts you in a good state…it doesn’t matter who says it, if it takes your MIND into a gloomy state, reject it! Remember, you can not determine what people; doctors, parents, teachers, mentors, friends etc would say to you, YOU can decide to accept or reject it. Do not cage yourself with others imposed prison…fear of what they think of you….images 1

Lastly, the real prison to gain freedom from is your MIND. Salvation is in you. When you learn to master your emotions then you are free. The mind is a powerful servant and a terrible master, so you need to continuously learn to rise above it. It is a ‘parachute’ a tool to safety and death. Yes!

You can use the ‘mind’ for development and destruction. Choose!

Yes Choose…

What do you want to be remembered for?

What do you want to achieve?

How are you programming your mind for it?

Success is no accident. You have just one life to achieve it, break free from the PRISON of your mind and GO for it.

I believe in YOU…in your magnificent and marvellous self. You are loveable and wonderful.

 

You may share this with others and comment or send in your questions on the comment page below.

I honor you

Timi Oyebode

Happy New Month

Whoa! its being a while. or do I say welcome back?

Apologies to all and thanks for your pings and emails to find out why the long silence from The Counsellor. I was observing my mandatory annual leave from work and taking the much needed rest. Thank you for your understanding and sorry for any inconvenience,

However, I am back refreshed and graced for the work ahead. As September comes in today full of promising opportunities, blessing, liberation and break through, you can be rest assured that yours will not pass you by.

God ,Himself is in the business of healing and liberating this season. He is here for you and I. Don’t give up on God, he wont give up on you.

I remember this song by Panam Percy Paul,

“Don’t give up…. its not over

when you give up…then its over

hold on to the Lord and trouble not your heart

even when it fails, its not over…”

The fact that you failed before or you have been called a failure repeatedly, doesn’t make it nor means its over. Failure is not the end, it is the beginning of another trial, it is a feed back that the last one wasn’t successful and a pointer to another way to go about it.

Its a new month, a new season and a new opportunity…Go for it.

I honor you

What are you Hiding 2

Don’t know if you are like me, but time again I struggle with tears whenever, I feel someone is putting me down. I can’t seem to control the tears when I feel belittled.

imageRecently , a man hit my car, Volkswagen golf 3 with his 4 Runner Jeep. One of my front light was broken, it’s was on my way to work, so we exchanged numbers to catch up later. By evening we agreed he would replace my light the next day. I drove down to meet him that morning, his wife, his driver and his mechanic.

The wife started by saying, she wants to educate me on road-driving in case of next time…and she went on and on. I kept quiet. One of their relatives came and said ‘is this the car,(hissed) how much is the car worth itself talk less of the light. I was caught off guard, I couldn’t hold back, I answered him and the tears came gushing.

I want to be able to answer back when challenged without crying. I understand to an opponent, shedding tears is a sign of weakness. I don’t want to appear weak when confronting. My consolation was that I answered back. Maybe, I shouldn’t have, maybe, I should have kept ignoring him, but I couldn’t. He kept talking and talking at me, getting angry, and am wondering what right had he to be angry with me? I should be the one angry. He HIT my car. No matter how little it is, it’s still mine.

imageDoes your tears flow freely as well? Do you sometimes feel cheated or incapacitated? Do you feel belittled or inadequate?
Do you know these are ‘feelings’ that’s got nothing to Do with who or where? It’s you. You only know what is hidden in you that had been momentarily touched.

The other person is confused and wondering ‘what’s wrong with her, why the tears’?
You know, this isn’t referring to tears shed to draw attention, or breed a sense of guilt in the other person. It’s tears flowing when you are angry or upset. You just like me, wants to be about to carry a straight face when upset or a sense of wrong had been committed against you.

By and large,  what are you hiding? What is it that only you seems to know about you?

Believe me, let go and free yourself. No one is perfect…and you are no exception. Focus on your self and emotional intelligence.

Starting with the later, emotional intelligence is in four parts. Self awareness, self mastery, social awareness and social mastery. Self awareness is the state of knowing your emotions and what triggers it.

What are hiding? What gets you angry or upset?, when, where and who? Identifying the triggers is a plus in being self-informed or self-aware. When you identify your triggers and how to manage it positively that’s self mastery.

Many of us, are not yet self aware, and when we are, we struggle with mastering or controlling these emotions. How then can we gain mastery?

To be continued..

I honor you.

Timi Oyebode
Counselor/Therapist
(NLP Master Practitioner)

What are You Hidding?

Image result for pictures of someone hidingWhat are those things you don’t want others to see?

What habit do you engage in, that you would rather not want others to know about?

What is it that you can be with that wont let you be?

The dark intrinsic side of us… the side we judge in others? Its so amazing the phenomena of PROJECTION; when we point accusing fingers, the others comes to you. Whatever we judge in others is a disowned part of our self. When you react to a projection, you actually are/ become that projection. Often, we cover up that side of us, wearing different masks, faces or attitude.

What are you hiding under that mask?…

…is it an affair? …an addiction? …a double life?Image result for pictures of someone hiding

if you don’t deal with it, it will deal with you. It has been said that ‘ when we reject our own reality, the self will war against us’ . Its like a smoke covered up, its just for a moment it will find its way out. Then it can be disastrous. Then, we have newspaper headlines;

‘a minister caught pant down with a church member’,

‘ a super star accused of child sexual abuse’,

‘a leader stealing public funds’

‘a devout husband struggling with masturbation’,

‘a camouflage marriage -male/female couple both actually homosexuals’

 

How long can you afford to keep hiding? Till it shocks you? Till it exposes you? Till it breaks you?

Confront it!

Yes! confront it! Don’t hide any more, face it and be free. Image result for pictures of emotional freedom

There is freedom in every pain! Our light shines when we acknowledge our darkness. It is all a divine plan…everything that happened to you. It wasn’t a mistake. There is a purpose for it. Don’t hide it anymore.

that dark side… that weakness…that which you hide… can actually be a strength, if well utilized. Get someone to talk to about it , free your heart of the burden. Talking about it limits its hold over you, if its got a strong-hold over you seek professional help.  You will be amazed how much strength you have in you to deal with it. Don’t ignore it, don’t hide it.

Do you know…

Someone else is waiting to be helped by the strength of your weakness. In fact, are you seeking purpose? I mean life purpose, you need not look far anymore…look deeply at your weakness, that which you hide is a pointer to what you were born to address.

Come out of the closet, the world is waiting for you.

Your weakness… your shame…your fears…your PURPOSE!!!

 

If you just read this and finds it interesting, useful or impacting, kindly share with others.

I honour you