Its has been said that ‘you can chose how you feel’
… my question , How easy is that?
One thing common to many of us is the desire to be in control of our lives…to be in control of the things that seems to control us…to be in control of our emotions.
Does the comment of Oscar Wide resonate with you? Do you also desire not to be at the mercy of your emotions anymore?…
I really do not like to be at the mercies of my emotions either, however many times, it seems this decision is beyond me. Until I began to pay it some attention. Then I understood that ’emotions’ are not really consciously controlled, they operate at the level of the mind, a state of ‘unconscious competence’- this is a state where in an individual do not need to think before displaying an action or behaviour. The individual had gained a competence, they are not even aware of.
Anger, boredom, confusion, embarrassment, fear, guilt, hate, hurt, jealousy, loneliness, regret are some of the emotions that had been unconsciously mastered as a response to different situation and circumstances.
I have learnt these emotions do not just occur …they are linked to memories and experiences. When something happens, the brain quickly does a rewind to somewhere, sometimes in the past when something like it has happened before and informs the mind to act as it had in that previous incident.
Self-pity, Self- guilt and Self-condemnation are at the root of most emotions. Psychologists had explained that the brain remembers a situation in the past and sends a message–‘a thought’ that triggers a sensation in the body leading to a reaction and that reaction is the behavioural display of emotion.
Past Memory/Experience + Thought + Sensations= Emotions
In all, emotions are neither good nor bad, it is how we respond to it that determines its value. So then how do we manage these surge of feelings that comes voluntarily?
To understand your emotions, I would suggest you focus on
-knowing your self better, personality assessments can help here.
-know your dominant emotional display
-know your emotion triggers
I often ask myself;
- How do I feel?
- How do I know how I fee?
- What thoughts crossed my mind?
To be continued….
I honor you