Understanding Your Emotions 1

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Its has been said that ‘you can chose how you feel’

… my question , How easy is that?

One thing common to many of us is the desire to be in control of our lives…to be in control of the things that seems to control us…to be in control of our emotions.

Does the comment of Oscar Wide resonate with you? Do you also desire not to be at the mercy of your emotions anymore?…

I really do not like to be at the mercies of my emotions either, however many times, it seems this decision is beyond me. Until I began to pay it some attention. Then I understood that ’emotions’ are not really consciously controlled, they operate at the level of the mind, a state of ‘unconscious competence’- this is a state where in an individual do not need to think before displaying an action or behaviour. The individual had gained a competence, they are not even aware of.

Anger, boredom, confusion, embarrassment, fear, guilt, hate, hurt, jealousy, loneliness, regret are some of the emotions that had been unconsciously mastered as a response to different situation and circumstances.

untitledI have learnt these emotions do not just occur …they are linked to memories and experiences. When something happens, the brain quickly does a rewind to somewhere, sometimes in the past when something like it has happened before and informs the mind to act as it had in that previous incident.

Self-pity, Self- guilt and Self-condemnation are at the root of most emotions. Psychologists had explained that the brain remembers a situation in the past and sends a message–‘a thought’ that triggers a sensation in the body leading to a reaction and that reaction is the behavioural display of emotion.

Past Memory/Experience + Thought + Sensations= Emotions

In all, emotions are neither good nor bad, it is how we respond to it that determines its value. So then how do we manage these surge of feelings that comes voluntarily?

To understand your emotions, I would suggest you focus on

-knowing your self better, personality assessments can help here.

-know your dominant emotional display

-know your emotion triggers

I often ask myself;

  • How do I feel?
  • How do I know how I fee?
  • What thoughts crossed my mind?

 

To be continued….

I honor you

 

 

 

 

This entry was posted on February 26, 2016. 4 Comments

What Do You See?

Do you know that what you see, you have 99% hope of reproducing?

That is, what you look at consistently… you have more chances of becoming. It is often said that perception is reality. What you think, is what you see…

So what are you thinking? what are you perceiving? what do you see?

You see, it doesn’t matter what others are seeing, neither do what they say , think or do. what do you see?

Pushing your thinking boundaries, will be necessary to see clearly and further this new year, or what do you think? Is it even possible to solve yesterdays’ challenges with yesterdays’ thinking? … a challenge may not be resolve-able if one remain at the same thinking level as when the challenge emerged.

Look beyond your spot…the knowledge you had acquired is good , however it is never enough. FOCUS on looking more, searching more, stretching more, thinking more, knowing more, imagining more, SEEING  more. Here in lies, your success.

Are you focused on your present challenges, situation, background or limitations, it will not GO until you shift your gaze. Shift your gaze, adjust your focus and look further, there is more, beyond the NOW.

Do not limit yourself, if you need to change position to see further ,please do not hesitate to do so…AS FAR AS YOUR EYES CAN SEE SO CAN YOU ACHIEVE!

I honor you ….GO AND BE YOU!

Happy New 2016

Someone just shared this with me and I love it. Please read

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A teacher asked her students to bring some tomatoes in a plastic bag to school. Each tomato was to be given a name of the person whom that student hated.

This way, the number of tomatoes would be equal to the number of persons each student hated.

On the decided day, the children brought their tomatoes well addressed. Some had two, some had three and some had  five, some even had 20 tomatoes in accordance with the number of pple each student hated.

The teacher told them they were to carry the tomatoes with them everywhere they went for the next 2 weeks.
As the days passed, the students started to complain about the spoiled  and smelly tomatoes. Students who had many tomatoes complained it was very heavy to carry and the smell was too much.
After 1 week, the teacher asked the students “How did you feel this week?”
The Children complained of the smell & heavy weight of the tomatoes especially those who carried more tomatoes.
The teacher said, “This is very similar to what you carry in your heart when you don’t like some people. Hatred makes the heart unhealthy and you carry that hatred everywhere.
If you can’t bear the smell of spoiled tomatoes for a week, imagine the impact on your heart that you carry throughout your life !.”

The Heart is a beautiful garden that needs regular cleaning of unwanted weeds.
Forgive those who have angered you.
This makes room for storing good things..

Get better, not bitter

(Let’s always remember, THE HEART OF THE MATTER IS THE MATTER OF THE HEART!)

May the good Lord strengthen us so that we can forgive those who wrong us and take away every hatred we have in our hearts.

👉 As the year 2016 begins, forgive anyone who has offended you. Say sorry to those you’ve offended too and DO NOT carry your hurts and pain of others into the New Year.

Imagine how our hearts will be🙊

Have a fresh start in the new year. And join me on Twitter every Thursday in 2016 as I share on LIFE AND ITS CHALLENGES…Change your heart, change your life!

(Life&Heart)
Twitter@ Timioyebode

http://www.timioyebode.wordpress.com

Happy new year.

I love and salute you.

Don’t judge me…

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Whoa! The year 2015 has come and is quickly running to an end, with all it’s errors, mistakes, misunderstandings, angers and tears. Its all swiftly running to my past.

I don’t know how much of 2015 you are still holding on too, let it go. Its all now in the past, as we can not rewind time.

It doesn’t matter who is judging you, you don’t be too hard on your self. Forgive your self, forgive your mistakes…no one is actually above it. Probably, you went through your 2015 goals and almost all were not achieve, it doesn’t make you a failure, it’s just a feedback on how to do it better next year.

Don’t judge me, because I am older, better and wiser than I was yesterday.
Don’t judge me, because I  am not the mistakes or errors in my past.
Don’t judge me, because where I am, is not where I am going to.
Don’t judge me, because I am not yet a finished product but a work-in-progress.

I am walking to my tomorrow, my eyes are set on my future…my past remains in my past and my today is what matters today. I believe in Me!

2015, my eventful year. Missing you already….

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To all my friends, followers and readers, this is my admonition to all…Always believe in yourself and ignore your judges.

I honor you

WHY FORGIVE?

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong”

Mahatma Gandhi

This last week, looking back I realized I had to help more of my clients work on forgiveness as a means to their own healing, awesome profound realization!

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Many just realized for the first time that they were actually hurting more from holding on to their grudges and hurt than letting go. Your pain simply holds you to your past and to break from it and move on in life you need to let go of that pain.

Do you know that holding on to your pain does not hurt the person who offended or hurt you? It doesn’t change his/her outlook to life. It doesn’t stop them from hurting you again if the chance appears.

If I may ask you,

Who carries a sad countenance?

Who finds it difficult to trust people again?

Who doesn’t want to risk having fun to letting down their guard?

Who is hurting?

Who is struggling with fear, anxiety, hatred, anger and depression?

Who is crying? Who is not living life to the fullest?

Who has ulcer? Who is ill?

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I was around 7years, when I began to experience life as hateful and tormenting. I hated my abusers…I hated my life, twice I thought to end it. Sad, broken, timid and depressed, I thought of suicide…forgetting that life continues even if am gone.

Then in my darkest hour, I saw light-

Someone, took my hand and showed me the strength I needed-FORGIVENESS. I learnt to fight back with the greatest weapon-LOVE. The weapon that won me my battles, gave me my life back and taught me real victory. I am FREE, I found love and I found me.

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Now I know, the world indeed is a beautiful place… Bitterness, Anger and Hatred are what pollutes our world. They hold us to the past while forgiveness, leads us to the future.

To forgive is to look forward, to release yourself from your pains and give your heart a beautiful gift. It is for you not for your abuser. It is a sign of your strength.

Hence, I challenge you this season as the year 2015 runs quickly to an end, to take a deep breathe and recount your pains and hurt that you had carried over the years and make a decision for yourself, for your future and for your life to FORGIVE.

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I believe in you, in your passion and your heart.

SHALLOM

Timi

The Ambush of Emotional Abuse

Image result for photos of emotional abuseMy daughter’s new class teacher, a MRS. Got infuriated by my five year old girl’s refusal to obey a particular instruction of hers, took a cane, flogged her in class and said to her “You are a very stupid girl…very very stupid girl”

After a while, the MRS. Teacher called my girl and said to her “if you tell your mum that I called you ‘stupid girl’ there won’t be food/lunch break for you”

Emotional torture, blackmail and threat… Did you experience that? Were you or are you still a victim?

I guess you are wondering if my daughter told me? Wondering how I handled it? Trust me the most important thing for me was to have my daughter’s ESTEEM intact and secured. No one has the right to take that from her, mainly not her teacher.

Many of us, weren’t that privileged to have a parent stand up to protect our esteem, in some cases your parent or guardian were even the ones abusing you emotionally.

Emotional abuse…Image result for photos of emotional abuse

Actually emotional abuse can happen to anyone either a child or an adult, often not leaving any physical signs but having effects on your confidence and self esteem. Often comes in sneakily and subtly, sometimes onlookers may not even realize its there.

Are you wondering too?

Ok, here is it?

  • Do you often feel or someone tells you, you are not good enough?
  • Are you called names or they put you down?
  • Are you often afraid, threatened or intimidated?
  • Do you feel insecure?

You probably are a victim already, however DO NOT STAY there.

Emotional abuse is not something you can manage, endure or cope with; ultimately it will leave you battered and damaged. Making you depressed, unproductive and even suicidal while your abuser(s) goes on with life.

You don’t want that, am sure?

So what then, GET UP, shake off the dust, turn your back, lift up your head and move on. Self-talk is a powerful tool to overcome emotional abuse. Talk to yourself, counter the words said to you with your own words. Don’t be catch tangled in the ambush of emotional abuse.

Ask yourself; Who is talking? Who said it? Is that person your creator? Even if it is your parent, is he or she your God?

You need to validate yourself. The world will not do it for you. I know you are wounded, try to get up from the mess made of you, find your voice, find your purpose and find your life. You only remain a victim as long as you want to remain there. They might had tried to bury you with their words and action…however you are a seed, when pushed down into the ground picks up and sprung forth as a plant.

In your pain, actually lies your strength. Think and picture YOU as you would want your life to be, dream it, envision it and IGNORE any voice telling you otherwise.

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You are the best! You are destined for greatness! You are a gift to humanity!

I love YOU…

YOUR MANTRA

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Are you happy?

Are you doing what you want to be doing if this is the last day of your life?

What do you want to be remembered for?

What do you want to achieve?

How do you want to achieve it?

Have you programmed your mind/yourself for it?

The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master. You need to continuously learn to rise above your mind. What is coming out of you has nothing to do with things outside of you; it’s basically what is inside of you, your MIND.

You need to master the skill of being YOU…taking charge of your mind.

HOW?

Create your mantra, concentrate on it and declare it!

MANTRA ???

Yes, Mantra…

It has been said, that you can only go as high as you go deep. Mantras are deep… deep repetition of powerful confessions.

a mantra is a form of psychoactive speech having a direct effect on the physical body and a claimed effect on the emotions, the mind, and even on physical processes in nature. The term is derived from the root man (to think), and tra from trai, (to protect or to free from bondage). Thus, a mantra is an instrument of thought. Your thoughts and your words.

How many times do you find yourself contradicting your own visions? How many times do you set goals and couldn’t achieve? How many times has people voices drowned your faith? How many times have you let go because you just do not have the energy to hold on any more?

Mantra comes in handy to destroy series of ridiculous thinking and elevate your energy. It places you on solid ground to step on and wings to fly with. You just ride on high with it.

How do you make your own Mantra?

If you can endeavour to answer these questions in a flow of statements, that’s your mantra.

  • Who am I?
  • What am I grateful for?
  • What are the gifts in me?
  • What are the treasures I possess?
  • What problem am I here to solve?
  • Who will support me?
  • How far will I go?
  • Where is my destination?

Write it down, concentrate on it. Declare it in the morning, afternoon and night time. Have someone read it into your hearings …you are on your way to achieving success.

Success in life is not by accident. You have just one life to achieve it, so go for it.

I love & honor you

YOUR PAIN, A SEED

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That exactly is who ‘we’ are, our lives, our experiences, our pains, our stories are not just for us but just like Christ who endured the pain and death on the cross to give life to several…so also our pains and crucifixion is a seed to germinate and bear more fruits of liberated beings…to seed to multiply it’s self as it grows into abundance…a seed who died to live again.

I love & honor you

FEAR- deal with it!

My World is Crumbling…

A client came in to my office and before I could say ‘Good morning..’ she burst into tears and shaking violently screamed ” I am tired of this life, nothing is working, ..(sobs) I have served God all my life… I have prayed and prayed but God seems not to be interested’… (more sobs) I don’t even know what next… I am so afraid to continue living, my whole world seems to be crumbling one after the other”.

It took her almost the next twenty minutes before she was calm enough to even explain what her challenges are.

Do you seems to understand this woman? You identify with her?

You also might had felt like this woman… when it seems the whole world is crumbling down on you. You had cried and cried to no avail as It seems no one hears your cries…nothing good seems to be coming out of life, even God seems to have gone on a sabbatical leave.

Friends and families are nowhere to be found… the ones that stayed, you can see the helplessness in their eyes as they stare at you.

Fear! Anxiety! Worries! Helplessness! Broken-hearts! Loneliness! Sadness! Brokenness! name it….

Wonder if you had ever felt any of these before? Wonder if your world had ever crumbled? How does it feel?…

Let’s talk about fear first.

Someone once defined FEAR as

F-false

E-evidence

A-appearing

R-real

The simple truth is that; everyone is afraid of something. Everyone goes through a challenging season at one time or the other, what determines how long such challenges last is FEAR.

Fear is your greatest enemy to success or a fulfilling life. Fear is a powerful force. In one way or the other it had been known to keep people from accomplishing what they really want out of life.

Fear of rejection, Fear of failure, Fear of success, Fear of the Unknown, Fear of Dying, Fear of losing, Fear of poverty, fear of….

Everything you desire of life is actually on the other side of your greatest fear. If you do not go for it, to conquer it, it will keep looking like nothing is working for you or God isn’t on your side. No!!

Succeeding in life requires more than wishing or praying, it needs you to move, to act and to confront your fears. Fears antidote is Courage and Action. Coach Keith Johnson in the book, Confidence Makeover states that

Overcoming life’s obstacles and making it to the top in life will require confident ACTIONs. Confidence will move you to action and action will destroy all your fears”.

Image result for pictures of fearYou need to sit down and ask yourself,

What is holding me back from a fulfilling life? What are some of my greatest fears? When and how do they manifest? What counter-action could I take to confront each of these fears?

Always remember you are not your past and courage is not the absence of fear…

I honor you