I was taking a class of counsellors during the week on Disclosure in counselling and at some point we talked about the counsellor’s vulnerabilities, what to disclose, why, impact and the need to deal with it a forehand.
My class went into a frenzy haze as they looked at me with some fearful and blank eyes. Soon a lady found her voice and asked, ‘What if you want to keep that part of you private?’ ‘what if its something you are still struggling with?’
Before I could respond, another lady chipped in, ‘would clients have confidence in you if your weaknesses are laid bear to all?’
In response, I looked at them, told them to pick their pen and answer these questions…
‘What would happen if you come open and bare?’
‘What would happen if you do not come open?’
‘What would not happen if you come open?’
‘What would not happen if you do not come open?’
Right now, I guess you are also THINKING…
Let me share with you, one person’s response. She wrote,
1. If I come open and bare it all, I will be free to be me and know I have nothing to be used against me or catch me unaware but my family may feel shocked and embarrassed and I might lose some friends/relationship . People may begin to identify me with it.
2. If I do not come open, what will happen I guess is I will keep on feeling tight and uncomfortable about it as I do now with the fear that some day somebody may disclose it.
3. If I come open, it will not happen that my family will disown me nor would I lose my job nor my special friends. My focus, dreams and goals in life will not change or be affected. I will not be afraid of what people think of me anymore. None will be anything to use against me or catch me unaware/embarrassed.
4. If I do not come open, I guess I will never be totally free, I will not be able to do everything I dreamt to achieve, I will not be able to help everyone I actually can help, particularly in that area am hiding. If I do not come open, I guess others may never know I went through that and I can help them go through it. I may never experience the totally contentment to die empty. My abusers will never be punished for their crimes. The world may never know me for it and I may never know the gain of my pains if I do not come open.
She actually read her write-up out to the class and by the time she got to the fourth answer she was actually sobbing.
Take it from me, there are much things you lose out by hiding than by coming out. At every point over the years, when I have personally had to share the story of my abuse as a child, my rape as a young girl, my insecurities as a teenager, my trip into lesbianism, my flaws, my weaknesses, my injured esteem, my struggles in marriage, my challenges with parenting(I have got 4 kids) and my redemption, my journey into self discovery/knowledge, my passion to fight my pain and hatred, my love to have others healed from their wounds as I did…many people had come up to meet me with tears, sometimes smiling or sent emails testifying on how my story had led them on the path of healing.
You are not alone in your struggle, coming out might even be a quicker means for you to overcome that struggle. Your pain often times, isn’t just for you but for others too. Just like my class of counsellors agreed at the end of our class.
I need you to ignore those who will castigate you, they are few… yes! FEW! …yet there are SEVERAL out there who needs your story to have HOPE, focus on them.
Shame your SHAME! Dam your FEARS!
Its not strong enough to hold you down. Take a step today, call that someone, write that story, disclose that pain/struggle, confront that fear! Like someone said “…DON’T BE AFRIAD OF BEING DIFFERENT, BE AFRIAD OF BEING THE SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE”
You are destined for greatness…
I would love to read from you as you CONFRONT those things you are hiding, placing it besides those 4 questions above and sharing your discovery. Leave a comment below, let me know what you think.
I honor you