Archive | November 2014

“To weep or not to?”

 If I may ask who or what is it that had drawn tears from your eyes in recent time? How painful really was it?

The question “To weep or not to?” is a major debate amongst believers, from time to time.

Although, people react differently to the loss of a dear one while some finds it easy and comforting, some finds it difficult or embarrassing to show their feelings.

Sunday, a dear friend once said, “at the death of my father, at first, I took it like a man but at the funeral I couldn’t help it, I wept. I wept ‘cos I realized then that he is gone forever”.

He said he took it initially ‘like a man’-I wonders how a man should take death news. However, I’ve realized that our reactions depend largely on our personality, upbringing, religion, belief and culture. In some cultures, open display of emotions is rare, especially amongst the men who had been conditioned to hide their feelings.

Infact, a male friend told me, when his mum was in the mortuary, he was in a bus and a song sang by Faith Evans and Puff daddy “ANGELS” was played. He got so welled up in his emotions; he had to get down at the next bus stop (not his destination) because tears were rolling down his cheeks. Of course, it would be embarrassing if co-occupant of the bus realizes that he was crying, he a man!

At times, this restriction of emotion is not to the men only but to the women likewise especially where there is a belief in reincarnation that life is a cycle and the dead would come to live again and again… such as is the Yoruba’s belief in child’s death. The Yoruba’s are a tribe in Nigeria and when a child dies they call he/she ‘ABIKU’ and no one is expected to mourn, including the mother.

But, culture aside, when we have suffered the loss of a dear one to death, is it wrong for us as believers to cry and grief?  Is it normal to grief? And for how long?

On the third year anniversary of my dad’s death, I was alone on my bed, then in school, crying. A friend saw me and came over to find out what was wrong and consoled me.  I actually told her, I was missing my dad and wished he were alive and not death. She nodded her head in understanding and tried to console me, saying,

Timmy, Please stop crying, remember in 1st Thessalonians chapter 4 verse 13, Paul wrote that ‘but I would not have you ignorant brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope”

She left and I was left alone to my thought. Could she be right? Maybe I was not supposed to cry? Is grieving a sin? Several other questions went to and fro my mind without any answer until years later.

But in all truth, is it a sin to weep?

Counselors Get Together

Today, we took time out to appreciate and celebrate ourselves…a group of mental health counsellors. We had fun, discussed, and took time to review various cases handled during the year 2014.

Whoa! Who says compassion is easy?

I think I would have to write soonest on the PRICE OF COMPASSION!!!!!!!

This Enemy called Death!

This world is full of mysteries.

How else can one explain this issue of death?

You were with someone a few minutes ago, only to learn he/she is dead the next

You finished a meal together, only to discover he/she is dead of a stomach upset few minutes later.

You are together at a busy road, waiting to cross and with a step ahead of you, he dashed across the road and was knocked down by a coming vehicle, before you could get to him, he was stone dead.

A husband went off to work in the morning, full of smiles and kisses for his wife, but few hours later she received a phone call, telling her, her husband got electrocuted at work.

Of course, we know everyone will end up dead one day, that death is inevitable, but what is still amazing is the mysterious ways it snuffs out lives within a twinkle of an eye and without fore warning.

“I still can’t believe it”, I remember Seun, a young lady in the University of Lagos, Nigeria telling me, “I don’t even understand it, at all. My mother was hale and hearty that morning. She wasn’t sick. Nothing was wrong with her. She made breakfast for every body that particular morning, after which she told my older brother to clean up her car for her. She wanted to leave home early enough to beat the traffic to her shop at Ebute-Meta since we reside at Isolo.

 

My brother called out to her, when he was through and I saw her picked up her car keys from the dining table. Minutes later, I heard her start the car but it went dead almost immediately. Not hearing the car start again, I looked out of the window and saw her resting her head on the steering. I went out of the door towards the car, calling out as I did that ‘what was wrong with the car’ but she didn’t answer.

 

A bit scared by the silence, I got to the car, knocked at her side and opened the door. She almost fell off and I screamed. My dad and brother rushed out and she was rushed to the nearest hospital, where she was certified dead as a result of a heart failure. The amazing thing was that she had never had any heart problem before, she wasn’t even sick ………… so I don’t understand it at all”.

Like Seun, most of the time we do not understand this issue of death. Although some claims to know when death is round the corner, in most cases, the bereaved main complaint is “I never even got to say good bye”.

It comes as a shock. We never expected it…